I woke up at 4:39 a.m. the other day, as one does, thinking about uncertainty. I realized that there was one thing I knew for certain – it wasn’t 4:39.
Remember during the pandemic years when everything was “unprecedented?” Well now we cannot escape “uncertainty.” Changes in the presidency always bring some level of uncertainty, and it’s fair to say that the current uncertainty quotient is quite high. For me, uncertainty is right around the corner from despair. Nadia Bolz Weber wrote recently that “(i)n the last few weeks I’ve had to actively try to avoid despair like I owe it money or something.” Same. Uncertainty I can learn to live with, despair I need to avoid.
Back to the clock. We renovated our bedroom this year – a project that has been on the list for more than a decade. We took everything out of the room, and have been judicious about what gets allowed back in. (To be honest, I’m not sure my husband knows where I put all his stuff). For some reason, even though we use our phone alarms like all other people living in this century, this clunker of an alarm clock made the cut.
We have always set the clock a bit fast in the hopes that we would actually get up on time. With daylight savings and being unplugged a few times, the clock was 39 minutes slow. Doing math involving the number 39 in the middle of the night isn’t my strong suit, so the clock is essentially useless. It does, however, remind me that there are constants in life, even if the constant is what time it isn’t.
Even though I don’t need this clock, and it really is ugly, I decided to keep it as a reminder that I can live with uncertainty – another tool to fend away despair.
How about you? How are you managing uncertainty? How do you keep despair at bay? Do you still own an alarm clock?
Let’s practice doing alarm clock math. The clock is now exactly two hours slow – much easier to interpret in the night.
Very Kate 
No alarm clock these days – I suspect that there is one somewhere in house but not sure why I would want it, with the glowing digits that I would see if I open up my eyes (I’m pretty good about not having my mind spin around while I lay in bed – at least I’m getting some rest if not sleep).
These days, despair, while not a friend, is a familiar acquaintance. A family tragedy, health challenges for other family members, parents and in-laws getting older, national politics. I don’t leave despar in the dark or in a closet. I figure that it grows in those venues. Bringing it out and even talking about it with certain people and at certain times makes it easier.
The everyday chores/duties – filling the dishwasher, emptying it out, moving the laundry along, the four walks a day with Junie the dog along with feeding her and giving her love and affection, buying groceries and cooking, all help. It’s not ignoring the causes of despair, but not allowing despair to control my life.
There are always opportunities to “think globally, act locally” and support those institutions and entities that have a better chance of acting globally. Spend time with family and friends. Talk with colleagues (not sure if I despair about anything there except for the unlikelihood of getting to a “0” inbox). Don’t give up. Don’t resign oneself to what exists now.
After all, I live in a state that believes in hope.
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Charlie, you are an inspiration to me.
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Enjoyed your clock story and your embrace of uncertainty. I left a clock in my office on daylight savings time — who knows if we will return to it or not, but I enjoy the reality of extra daylight in the evening and don’t adjust well to the fall back world.
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Thank you for all your articles. They always allow me to step back and reflect.
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